POLICE
I am of the age where the vast majority of my peers are now retired, and many of my friends have passed on. Those of us who are left, sit and reminisce about life and our careers, and there are some common threads in our reflections. As I enter the last quarter of my life, I realize there are some things I want you younger folks to think about and act on.
All my friends who have retired and are living their best lives didn’t just “retire.” A law enforcement life is a life of adventure, service, and purpose. Having a mission in life is a key component of truly living and not just existing.
In the early ‘80s, studies showed the average police officer died within five years of retirement. Holy smokes! Living a life of service and then dying shortly thereafter seemed pretty unreasonable. Smoking, obesity, poor nutrition, inactivity, and stress were all culprits leading to shortened lifespans of the average crime fighter.
But there was another component, a sense of loss and meaninglessness. What had been a life of true meaning, true service, with a sense of mission, was suddenly gone. If your whole identity is “I’m A Cop” and suddenly you aren’t, but rather are cut away from the comraderie and identity of policing, imagine the sense of loss and loneliness. Often divorced, with no hobbies or goals, with no “mission,” these folks reported a sense of feeling adrift.
During my career I saw efforts to reinforce the concept of becoming a whole person begin to take hold, led by the likes of Kevin Gilmartin whose historic book, “Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement,” gained favor. You are not just “a cop.” You are a husband, wife, father, mother, son, daughter, fisherman, skier, soccer coach, football coach, softball coach, and on and on.
This mindset shouldn’t start as you get ready to retire, but rather it needs to start today, whether you have 20 in or are in your rookie year. Trust me, I know of what I speak. We used to kid about how every new cop would suddenly find themselves with a house, a spouse and a new car, and debt up to their ears. Soon, their hobby was an off-duty job. They could relate only to other cops and, like me, had been divorced a couple of times. At one point I was stressed, divorced, overweight, had high blood pressure, was in debt, and wondered where I went wrong.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe this profession is fantastic, honorable, and a wonderful way to use the life given to you, but become a whole person now. There will come a day when you will no longer serve, maybe through regular retirement, or medical retirement, or some other life circumstances beyond your control. You need another mission, another reason to get up in the morning, another identity to give you resilience and strength. Often, my friends have continued to serve as court officers, school officers, private security, substitute teachers, ministers, and one even earned a doctorate.
The goal is to have a long and happy life, and this includes stopping destructive habits like smoking or lack of exercise. Easier said than done, right? Don’t I know it, dipping snuff since I was seventeen, I found myself extremely addicted to the stuff. When my youngest daughter was born, I had a talk with myself. I was working out like a madman, but still had this very dangerous habit. I cold turkeyed my way out of it, but I must confess, when we are out on the range shooting, I will still have a powerful urge for what I used to call, “my group tightener.”
What I’m trying to say is, be open to new adventures, new hobbies, new ideas. One of my good friends has become quite the brewmaster at a local brewery. He talks hops and malts, and sterilizing this and that and generally is quite the beer expert. Another has become the RV king of the road, traveling all over, exploring, learning, socializing, fishing, and generally living large. I guess that is the idea: live large and long.
Policing seduces you with the adventure and excitement and purpose, but your career is limited by time and age. Keep growing, learning, living, doing, and always reflect on the future you. The goal is not that you won’t have setbacks and suffering, but that you will be resilient and recover or adapt quickly, rebounding to your best self. Take it from someone who has made just about as many mistakes as you can; I have to say my life has been a wonderful adventure. Just ask my wife, the Sarge. It continues to be so even at my age because I learned the lessons I’m trying to teach you. Stay safe.
Dave Smith is an internationally recognized law enforcement trainer and is the creator of “JD Buck Savage.” You can follow Buck on Twitter at @thebucksavage.
