Physical Stuff
Being the nosey li'l bastards that they are, scientists have actually come up with a new test that can tell if a person is genetically predisposed to becoming a power lifter or a long distance runner. Personally, I think most of us have some idea of our strengths and liabilities even if we don't care to acknowledge them—which might account for why many cops try to rise to the challenge, whatever it may be. Unfortunately, that ascent can become problematic when one's employment is due largely to a department's lack of a height requirement. This results in Napoleonic efforts on the part of some of our more diminutive brethren to surmount seemingly unscalable obstacles such as fences and walls (which, once scaled, often result in a stifled scream, followed by a dull thud, followed by a muffled moan).
And just because it's your handle doesn't necessarily mean you need to be the one kicking the door, especially if you have an arthritic knee, flatulence, and gout. Having written my fair share of employee injury reports on senior badge bearers, I was amazed at how often I had younger, healthier—and apparently shrewder—cops as witnesses (whose compassionate takes on the matter were usually along the lines of, "You shoulda been there, Sarge! When his foot ended up stuck in the door it was the funniest damn thing!").
So the next time you're faced with a door that needs to have its ass kicked, ask yourself: Have you a martial arts student among your sister cars? Someone who was a placekicker in college? Or perhaps one who has some anger management issues that can sublimate some frustration on an otherwise inanimate object? Let that person kick the damned thing.
Or, maybe you don't have to kick the door. Maybe you have someone who knows how to pick a lock. At my old station, we had Doug Iketani, who saved the county quite a bit of money on multiple fronts in opening doors with his lock-picking skills (and who still owes me an article).
