What great memories I have from my days working at the academy, where I do believe we had a top staff and remarkable cadets, many of whom have remained friends to this day. Cadets work hard but we always tried to make time for play, and the final softball game for each academy class could get pretty rough when the staff just had to defeat the cadets. Intuitively we sensed the stress of academy life needed to be relieved. Little did we know that science would reaffirm both our providing the cadets some "playtime," and the reduction of the staff's own stress that came from time on the ball field.
In his book,
"Play,"
Stuart Brown, M.D., explains how play doesn't just reduce our stress and open our minds, it also exercises and grows our brains. Yep, to grow some brain, play a game. He describes how most creatures actually need play, and humans who don't get enough as youngsters grow up to be dysfunctional, even killers. Brown describes the Texas Tower shooter, Charles Whitman, as someone who had "a lifelong lack of play." Quick, toss your kid a Frisbee!
Based on feedback I get from lots of my readers, most of us have difficulty finding time to do the things we enjoy and want to do. When I write about changing a bad habit, or prioritizing things to find life fulfilling, I get e-mails describing working twelves, paying off exes, child support, new house costs, and the like. I know these things make it tough to find time for ourselves and our priorities since mortgages, car payments, and taxes must be paid. But sometimes you can kill two birds with one … well … throw.
Need more time with your kids? Play catch, take them shooting, try playing a Wii videogame with them (be prepared for a whipping). This holds true for your wife, husband, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, or dog as well. All of us need play, but just what is it? Is it only playing catch, shooting, or fishing that counts? Nope, says Brown. It is anything that puts our brain in that growth state, anything that is done for its own sake voluntarily, something inherently attractive to you, an activity that gives you a sense of freedom from time and allows improvisation.
All of us had tons of these opportunities when we were young. But often, involved in our profession, we don't take time out for enjoyable activities. Dr. Kevin Gilmartin, my favorite cop psychologist, in his must-read book
"Emotional Survival,"
calls these "usta's!" Our forms of play such as "I usta hunt, I usta fish, I usta bowl, etc." often lead to "I usta be married" and other such sorrows. If you find you have lots of "usta's" and very few "I do's" you might be heading the wrong way.
