I told Mad Dog that I had to admit that he was much better than anyone on my staff, and even me, in his skill and understanding on how to operate covertly in the underworld. He was smarter than us all. But in the end he would only be cheating himself by choosing not to honestly try to complete the program. Yes, he could continue to use drugs and fool everyone by completing the program and getting his certificate, but he would then only remain the same old addict.
This talk must have had an effect because he did not stop by the gang office for a couple of weeks. But one afternoon he appeared. He seemed nervous and apprehensive. He asked to speak to me alone. Normally my chief gang deputy Angel Jaimes would remain when I had a private talk with an inmate, but Jessie seemed almost embarrassed to speak in front of anyone else. So I asked Jaimes to step outside and I closed the office door. But as I walked back toward my desk Mad Dog rushed me with a huge grin saying, “I know my higher power, I know my higher power!” He gave me a bear hug and rattled off the story of how he had changed.
Jessie completed the program and remained clean and sober for the rest of his life. He received a light sentence and soon was on the street. He apologized to his wife and reestablished his lost relations with his son, in accordance with steps 5, 8, and 9. But then working on the 10th step—to take personal inventory—he went for a physical.
Jessie was diagnosed with advanced AIDS caused from his many years of intravenous drug use. He was a walking dead man. At first he wanted to give up and shoot dope until he died. “I finally got my life together and now its over!” He called me up and said, “Tell me why I shouldn’t just buy a big clavo and slam it all?” I said, “That’s the coward’s way out, Jessie. Do you want your son to find you like that dead with the needle in your arm?”
On another occasion he called up to say, “I’ve got a pistol sitting in my lap, tell me again why I shouldn’t blow my brains out here and now.” I argued, “Is this the Mad Dog that spit in the Mexican Mafia’s face? The one who refused to knuckle under to taxes and threats to kill him? The one who faced the wrath of his own homeboys to stand up for what was right? You gonna let this sickness take you out like that? …or are you gonna fight?”
Jessie chose to fight. He volunteered for the testing of experimental drugs and helped perfect the “cocktail” used to combat the HIV/AIDS disease today. He became a popular speaker for Teen Challenge and would start by saying, “I am a walking dead man, proof that dope kills.”