Police Humor: You Might be a Motor Officer if…

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Motor Officers are special breed. They run a ton of traffic, they get to ride right up to the front wing of Air Force One to receive the President when he visits (very cool no matter your party affiliation), and their mode of transportation is the envy of many cops stuffed into a shrinking squad car.

Some time ago, I was invited to be a member of the Police Motorcycle Network Police Motorcops Facebook group. I can't remember which of these folks invited me in, but the posts on the page are often ingeniously funny.

So, for this week's blog I decided to tap into some of that humor and ask the members to send in a line like Jeff Foxworthy might do on stage…

"If you [fill in the blank], you might be a Motor Officer."

Here's a humorous look at being a Motor from those guys and gals in the big shiny boots with a radar gun in one saddle bag and all manner of other stuff in the other.

You Might be a Motor Officer if….

If you pull up to a somber funeral and immediately start making fun of and/or start roasting the other Motor Officer then....you might be a motor officer.

You might be a Motor Officer if your hair stays in place after you take your helmet off.

If you scare other cops, you might be a Motor Officer.

If other cops think your nuts, you might be a Motor Officer.

If you cringe when someone calls your Wheel/Motor a bike, you might be a Motor Officer.

If you know what someone means when they say “Head and Eyes” you are absolutely, most definitely a Motor Officer!

If you come across a construction zone with traffic cones and start to weave through them, you might be a Motor Officer.

If you exit your POV from the passenger side, you might be a motor officer.

If you wake up in the middle of the night planning your traffic spots for the day, you might be a Motor Officer.

If you've ever had to pour a half gallon of water out of your boots you might be a Motor Officer.

If you've ever ridden past the mirrored windows multiple times a day just to see yourself in the reflection you might be a Motor Officer.

If you polished everything on the bike except the tires and the seat you might be a Motor Officer.

If your dry cleaners complain about how dirty your collars get, you might be on Motors.

You might be a Motor Officer if you wear long underwear in the hottest summer months.

If you carry toothpicks in your pocket...you might be a Motor Officer.

If you roll your eyes every time you hear, "Why don't you arrest the real criminals" you might be a Motor Officer.

If you have WiNGS you might be a motor officer.

If you’re working a laser/radar op at a road along the beach, and — while showing off the motor and your tats to a smokin’ badge bunny — a violator roars past you so you book off after it instead of getting the hottie’s digits, you might be a Motor Officer.

If you have to press hard, five copies, you might be a Motor Officer.

If you are at a funeral and you take bets on how many will pass out you may be a Motor man!

If you've ever given a guy a warning 'cuz he made you laugh when he said, "I was driving with my head up my ass!" you might be a Motor Cop.

If you know where all the mirrored windows are on buildings in your city, you might be a Motor Officer.

If you have ever ridden your Motor during police week in DC and escorted survivor children and cried, you are definitely a Motor Officer.

If you have nightmares about orange traffic cones you might be a Motor Officer.

If you see a pretty girl and ride around the block to give her a second look at you, you might be a Motor Officer.

If you've ever poached a traffic stop from a car cop, you might be a Motor Officer.

If you find yourself sitting in a patrol car trying to figure out how to turn the emergency lights on, you might be a Motor Officer.

If you've ever cited your own mother you might be a Motor.

If you drive behind the gas truck for miles just to see your reflection. You might be a Motor.

If you like to hide behind bushes, you might be a Motor Officer.

If you’re sitting in a car looking at the A/C button and not sure what it does…you might be a Motor.

If ya ever stood in the beer cooler at a convenience store on a hot summer day to cool down, ya might be a Motor Cop.

If you've ever used your saddlebag as an ice storage cooler, you might be a Motor Officer

Final Words

As a civilian supporter of law enforcement—and having been "adopted" into this wonderful family of professional guardian-warriors—I've had the tremendous pleasure of enjoying police humor.

There are different flavors of police humor, all found in people performing different duties the profession offers. SWAT Officers have a little spice. Beat Cops are uncomfortably adept at sarcasm. Homicide Detectives are particularly dark.

The Motor Officers I know are no different. Well, okay, they're a LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT  (LOL).

Stay safe my friends.