FREE e-Newsletter
Important News - Hot Topics
Get them Now!

Departments : It's a Jungle Out There

Real Murder Victims are Bad Enough

Some people never grow out of a love for toys…

December 01, 2002  |  by Commander Gilmore


Real Murder Victims are Bad Enough

At first, police dispatch in Munich, Germany, sorta brushed it off when an excited citizen called in to report his neighbor carrying a woman's lifeless body into his apartment in the dark of night. Excitable people make mistakes, you know. But the call was logged and noted. The caller was pretty specific in describing the "murder victim." Now, when the second call came in, that got some serious attention. Another lifeless female body, this time dressed differently, different hair color, complexion, and shoes...Munich PD rolled, with teeth clenched.

Officers were even more suspicious when they rapped on the suspect's door and he was nervous, a bit hostile, barely dressed, and perspiring freely. What the heck was he doing with those bodies? After they told him they were investigating a possible homicide, though, he became more cooperative, and invited them in to check out his collection of lifelike, life-size silicon sex dolls.

Now, kids, don't confuse these upscale "virtual partners" with those cheap, inflatable sex dolls your brother-in-law keeps in his closet. These are semi-solid, realistically dense and heavy toys with "special features" we won't go into. As for our pal's state of mind and body when he answered the door, a police spokesperson told reporters, "Apparently he had just been testing out his new acquisition when police arrived." Officers completed their inspection of his five "ladies," excused themselves, and got outta there. Probably to the nearest bar, to try to erase that particular memory.

Not as Tough as He Looks

For more than a decade, the crime-torn nation of El Salvador has been such a hotbed of robbery, kidnappings, and assassinations that the joke is, "Before you buy a car, first get a bodyguard." It's a virtual certainty that if you've got anything worth taking, a buncha thugs with guns are going to come for it. As a result, El Salvador has more "private security agents" than cops, and hardly a day goes by that one or more "privates" aren't involved in shootings with crooks.

One of the most successful and respected of the "privates" was a big, mean-looking dude who routinely escorted his clients around San Salvador, ordnance at the ready, scanning the surroundings with gimlet eyes. He was so feared and respected that the police couldn't even remember the last time someone had tried to take him on, and therein lies an interesting tale.

When the government recently decided to check and register all guns used by the bodyguards, our pal was one of the first they approached. But he refused to hand over his roscoe. Yeah, refused. And the government lads weren't real enthused about trying to take it away from him, either, but they had their orders. The call went out for reinforcements, and when it began lookin' like that last scene in "Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid" minus The Kid, he finally relented-and handed over his toy gun.

Yep, a realistic-lookin' toy, but definitely a toy. See, he never really wanted to hurt anybody, and for more than 10 years, he hadn't had to. And he had found that all one really needs is a goodly supply of 'lerts, a professional mad-dog look, and the right toy autopistol. Don't try this at home, kids....

Tags: Odd Crimes, Stupid Criminals


Be the first to comment on this story





POLICE Magazine does not tolerate comments that include profanity, personal attacks or antisocial behavior (such as "spamming" or "trolling"). This and other inappropriate content or material will be removed. We reserve the right to block any user who violates this, including removing all content posted by that user.

Other Recent Stories

Unfair Criticism of U.S. Marshals
Despite a three-year budget freeze and stagnating staff levels, the U.S. Marshals...
How to Use a Pole Camera to Clear an Attic
Known as perhaps the most dangerous "fatal funnel" in police work, police officers...
Police Product Test: Pelican Progear Vault Series iPad Case
The Pelican ProGear Vault Series cases for iPad Air and iPad Mini may be the right...
Williamsburg: Policing Where the Present Meets the Past
A former NYPD cop, Hamilton moved to this quiet Tidewater community more than 15 years ago...
Dealing with Confirmation Bias
One of the biggest things you can do to correct confirmation bias is to try to disprove...

Get Your FREE Trial Issue and Win a Gift! Subscribe Today!
Yes! Please rush me my FREE TRIAL ISSUE of POLICE magazine and FREE Officer Survival Guide with tips and tactics to help me safely get out of 10 different situations.

Just fill in the form to the right and click the button to receive your FREE Trial Issue.

If POLICE does not satisfy you, just write "cancel" on the invoice and send it back. You'll pay nothing, and the FREE issue is yours to keep. If you enjoy POLICE, pay only $25 for a full one-year subscription (12 issues in all). Enjoy a savings of nearly 60% off the cover price!

Offer valid in US only. Outside U.S., click here.
It's easy! Just fill in the form below and click the red button to receive your FREE Trial Issue.
First Name:
Last Name:
Rank:
Agency:
Address:
City:
State:
  
Zip Code:
 
Country:
We respect your privacy. Please let us know if the address provided is your home, as your RANK / AGENCY will not be included on the mailing label.
E-mail Address:

Police Magazine