Murphy's law is the adage that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Several websites and books are dedicated to Murphy's law and how these truisms can be applied to various occupations, stations in life, and situations.
Read the Muphy's law website for police here.
As for the true origins of Murphy, most scholars differ but I tell you this, Murphy is Irish. If there ever is a definitive race of people who could exemplify this, it is us indeed. You may remember reading in this column about my blue-haired Irish mother.
If Murphy had written about being a police rookie, what would these proverbs state about "rookiehood?" Here are three:
You will have an accident in your first year.
Don't panic about this one. Police work has a learning curve. Nearly every cop I know had a "bump" during the first year on the street. Nobody died. Most of the time, it was nothing serious. During my first week, I backed into a dumpster and put a scratch on the car. Not too bad, but Murphy was right.
Most of these little inconveniences will give you a chance to learn how to fill out the department's pesky accident paperwork. You'll be called "Crash," and you'll get to know the inside of the sergeant's office. It will be a wake-up call reminding you to wear your seat belt, slow the heck down, and use this as a safety learning experience.
One of your first solo calls will be legendary.
You'll be working one of your first shifts, wanting to prove you can work a call without a Field Training Officer (FTO), when it happens. The Gods of Policeland drop a call on you that will take all of the king's horses and all the king's men. Don't get embarrassed; we all know this happens.
Remind yourself that it will make a great story after work. I'll remind you that you should call for backup when the call is beyond your capabilities. Why do the Gods of Policeland do this? They've got an awesome sense of humor when it comes to rookies.
Despite how nice you are, you will get a complaint.
Holy IAD, Batman! What do you mean I'm getting reviewed over that silly call?! Calm down. Most of these calls result from either a communication breakdown or a courtesy complaint. Most of these are unfounded, and you'll have your first trip to fill out the "why, oh why" paperwork.
Don't panic, and follow the direction of your FTO and/or supervisor. Just remember that what is no big deal to you can be a major deal to a citizen. This may be the first parking ticket a person has received in 60 years of driving, and now it's your fault that he'll reach the pearly gates to face his maker with a parking violation. Stay professional in all interactions. Remind yourself that if you do your job, you'll get complaints, most of which will be unfounded.
Here are a few other Murphy-isms for rookies:
- You'll direct traffic in the rain on the day you forget your raincoat.
- There will be a snow squall the night you forget your winter jacket and gloves.
- You'll be subpoenaed the day you have scheduled for a mini-vacation.
- The last call of the day before a long weekend will require a crime scene access log.
- The squad will win free pizzas in a radio contest the week you start a diet.
- Your official first-watch party will be scheduled for the weekend you plan a second honeymoon.
- You'll get to work an overtime detail, after your spouse has bought tickets for a concert.
Tell us your best police Murphy-ism, by adding it to the comments below.