FREE e-Newsletter
Important News - Hot Topics
Get them Now!
Doug  Wyllie

Doug Wyllie

Doug Wyllie has authored more than 1,000 articles and tactical tips aimed at ensuring that police officers are safer and more successful on the streets. Doug is a Western Publishing Association “Maggie Award” winner for Best Regularly Featured Digital Edition Column. He is a member of International Law Enforcement Educators and Trainers Association (ILEETA), an Associate Member of the California Peace Officers’ Association (CPOA), and a member of the Public Safety Writers Association (PSWA).

William Harvey

William Harvey

William "Bill" Harvey is currently serving as chief of police in south central Pennsylvania. He retired from the Savannah (Ga.) Police Department where he worked assignments in training, patrol, and CID. Harvey has more than 25 years of experience working with recruits, rookies, and FTOs.

Fatherly Advice

Your job is important, but your kids are only young once.

April 08, 2009  |  by William Harvey - Also by this author

The other day, one of my readers e-mailed me a tough question. The young officer stated that he was a faithful reader seeking some sage advice. He wanted my insights on how to balance "the job" with his pending fatherhood. This made me do some soul searching.


I do some things well and others average, but fatherhood was a toil for me. In looking back, I feel that I may have let my son down. I missed far too many baseball games, recitals, and days when I could have gone fishing with him.

Like most chasing the next promotion, loving the job more than anything and then seeking chiefdom, something may have gotten left out. I felt that the job was the most important element in the world. In my office, I have the Ernest Hemingway quote, "Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter" ("On the Blue Water," Esquire, April 1936), and from this I found solace.

I have tried to make it up to my son. He is in the military now (Hooah!) and I think he now understands, but…I still have my thoughts.

Daddy and the Cop Life

I told the young officer that he is going to have make tough decisions between fatherhood and work obligations. Yes, there will be a subpoena, mandated training, or something that you have no control over. Deal with it. If you are on shift work, you can get a nap and then go throw the ball; there is always more coffee later. You can pass up on an extra job. Is the extra cash more important than the last game of the season? Some decisions will be easy and others hard.

I took the easy road and put the job first; it was career and paychecks before anything else. Then I would buy some cool toy or game to try to make it up to my son, but it's never the same. Learn from me and make the right decisions.

My lad turned out fine despite my ineptness as a daddy and we have a good relationship. I think the most important thing I can tell you as a young dad in this career is make it clear that you are available to talk, be there at most of their most critical moments, and just "be there" when they need you. You can't buy a good kid; it is an investment in sweat equity from you.

So to my young reader, you are in for your most difficult but most rewarding job ever: fatherhood. There are no FTOs in this gig; just recall what your childhood was like, and say what a daddy would do if he was here. Life is not a dress rehearsal; you have got to do it right the first time, which is not always fair.

Give to your family what they need, not just a paycheck. One day you will look back at the holiday photos of your kid; all the gold shields in the world can't bring those days back. To my reader, you will do fine; be yourself.

Train to Win. Train to go home to those you love.

Comments (3)

Displaying 1 - 3 of 3

bmizner @ 6/2/2009 10:28 AM

Great advice! I have three children who are grown and mean the world to me. I don't regret one time I chose them over the job when the option was available.

depharry @ 6/2/2009 12:57 PM

Excellent advice of enduring value. As 30+ year veteran of local and federal law enforcement - I do have regrets. For too many years it was all about catching the bad guy, and every bad guy seemed worse than the one before and required all my time and energy. I was fortunate enough to have a wonderful wife to help me raise three great sons - but I tell my squad now to always choose family, unless it is an emergency. There will always be more thieving, drug dealing, and killing - but you only get once chance to raise and enjoy your children and give your spouse the love and attention they deserve.

mtarte @ 6/3/2009 8:56 AM

Very sage advice. I am the son of a cop and now a retired cop myself. My dad missed far too many of my games and I too missed far too many games and other events. However, when I was injured on the job and rehabilitating, I was able to do far more things as a coach and classroom volunteer than other dads could do. When I worked nights, I could be at school for field trips and being the only father on those trips made it special for my kids. So it balanced itself out. I was lucky in that I worked in the same city I live in and could make it home for evening meals, sometimes. The other positive was the pride my kids took in having a dad as a cop.

Join the Discussion

POLICE Magazine does not tolerate comments that include profanity, personal attacks or antisocial behavior (such as "spamming" or "trolling"). This and other inappropriate content or material will be removed. We reserve the right to block any user who violates this, including removing all content posted by that user.

Other Recent Blog Posts

Politics Trumping Tactics: [Don't] Sit Down… You're Rocking the Boat
Elected officials have one underlying goal that informs and influences all their other...
Foot and Hoof Patrol: Meaningfully Connecting Cops and Citizens
Foot patrol is the essence of community policing—officers on foot create opportunities for...

Police Magazine