My New Year's Resolutions developed from the outlook of others...

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1/2/2009 7:37 PM
Ofc.RachelT View Ofc.RachelT's profile Find recent posts by Ofc.RachelT Find recent threads started by Ofc.RachelT Send private message to Ofc.RachelT Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 216	My New Year's Resolutions developed from the outlook of others... My year last year sucked real bad...so I am going to TELL the universe how this year is going to go...in a few posts. So...with that said...here are my New Year's resolutions that I will share my family and friends...because I care. 1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds. More love handles.... 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3. Read less. 4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. 5. Procrastinate more. 6. Drink. Drink some more. Drink to I puke. 7. Take up a new habit: smoking. 8. Spend at least $1000 a month on Ladies of the Night. This outta go well since I am a girl. 9. Spend more time at the bar. 10. Take a vacation to someplace important: like to see the largest ball of twine. Hey, I'm a Leo - kitties like yarn. 11. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more. 12. Quit giving money & time to charity. The hell with it all. 13. Start being superstitious (are you laughing at me?) 14. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash. 15. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words. 16. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms. 17. Pick my nose more often and in public. 18. Run through the streets stark naked on a full moon with a purple feather sticking out my butt yelling "I am the rainbow that ran away, ran away, ran away..." 19. bicker the price of everything each time I go to the store and last but not least... 20. believe everything I hear, and develop a twitch to last a lifetime "Is your number still 911?" - Ofc. Rachel T.

1/2/2009 7:37 PM

My New Year's Resolutions developed from the outlook of others...

My year last year sucked real bad...so I am going to TELL the universe how this year is going to go...in a few posts. So...with that said...here are my

New Year's resolutions

that I will share my family and friends...because I care.

1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds. More love handles....

2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.

3. Read less.

4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.

5. Procrastinate more.

6. Drink. Drink some more. Drink to I puke.

7. Take up a new habit: smoking.

8. Spend at least $1000 a month on Ladies of the Night. This outta go well since I am a girl.

9. Spend more time at the bar.

10. Take a vacation to someplace important: like to see the largest ball of twine. Hey, I'm a Leo - kitties like yarn.

11. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.

12. Quit giving money & time to charity. The hell with it all.

13. Start being superstitious (are you laughing at me?)

14. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.

15. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.

16. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms.

17. Pick my nose more often and in public.

18. Run through the streets stark naked on a full moon with a purple feather sticking out my butt yelling "I am the rainbow that ran away, ran away, ran away..."

19. bicker the price of everything each time I go to the store

and last but not least...

20. believe everything I hear, and develop a twitch to last a lifetime

"Is your number still 911?" - Ofc. Rachel T.

REPLY 1 - 2 of 2

1/2/2009 7:41 PM	#1
Ofc.RachelT View Ofc.RachelT's profile Find recent posts by Ofc.RachelT Find recent threads started by Ofc.RachelT Send private message to Ofc.RachelT Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 216	section 2 of my new year's attitude and outlook If my year goes as bad as last year... Ya'll know I am a religious person...I believe in turning to my God in my time of need. So I took the serenity prayer and modified it for my new, better me this year... Father in Heaven ... Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off. And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow. Help me to always give 100% at work: 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, 5% on Friday. And help me to remember: When I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me. Thank you Lord...Amen I thank the guy on the web who inspired me with his prayer (meaning the prayer is not my own creation, but hilarious to share!) "Is your number still 911?" - Ofc. Rachel T.

1/2/2009 7:41 PM

section 2 of my new year's attitude and outlook

If my year goes as bad as last year...

Ya'll know I am a religious person...I believe in turning to my God in my time of need. So I took the serenity prayer and modified it for my new, better me this year...

Father in Heaven

...

Grant me the serenity to

accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off.

And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work: 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, 5% on Friday.

And help me to remember: When I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my

middle finger

and tell them to bite me.

Thank you Lord...Amen

I thank the guy on the web who inspired me with his prayer (meaning the prayer is not my own creation, but hilarious to share!)

"Is your number still 911?" - Ofc. Rachel T.

1/2/2009 7:46 PM	#2
Ofc.RachelT View Ofc.RachelT's profile Find recent posts by Ofc.RachelT Find recent threads started by Ofc.RachelT Send private message to Ofc.RachelT Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 216	section 3 and final post for my new year resolutions.... Again, I'm reliant on humor to get me through...so here are a couple of jokes I wanted to make sure I passed along while drinking my beer... First...I believe in patriotism. You all know I have given my free time to this country. So I'm thinking that while I am running through the streets stark naked singing that rainbow song , that I should maybe sing this patriotic one instead... Yankee Doodle went to town A-riding on his mother Every time he hit a bump He had another brother! ================== But wait! There's more! I was sitting at my desk at the police station, pondering this question... Why do prostitutes make more money than drug dealers? Then, being the intelligent brat I am...the answer came to me... Because prostitutes wash their crack and sell it again. Yes, of course My Dear Watson...brillant. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am taking more computer classes this year too. I want to know... Who is this General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive? -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Also, I looking to improve my ability to speak clear this year. I went out to investigate a car accident in the parking lot. We ran the plate and found out who the damage car belonged to. It was parked near the barber shop, so we deceided it would be probable that the guy would be there. My partner sticks his head in the door of a barber shop and says, ''Bob Peters here?'' The barber looks up and says, ''Nope, just haircuts!'' Thank yew! Thank yew very much...ladies and gentlemen...cinderella has left the castle.... Everyone have an awsome 2009. (poster's note: jokes were found on the comedy central web site. I modified them to my personal liking. I suggest Comedy Central for some great laughing!) "Is your number still 911?" - Ofc. Rachel T.

1/2/2009 7:46 PM

section 3 and final post for my new year resolutions....

Again, I'm reliant on humor to get me through...so here are a couple of jokes I wanted to make sure I passed along while drinking my beer...

First...I believe in patriotism. You all know I have given my free time to this country. So I'm thinking that while I am running through the streets stark naked singing that

rainbow song

, that I should maybe sing this patriotic one instead...

Yankee Doodle went to town

A-riding on his mother

Every time he hit a bump

He had another brother!

==================

But wait! There's more!

I was sitting at my desk at the police station, pondering this question...

Why do prostitutes make more money than drug dealers? Then, being the intelligent brat I am...the answer came to me...

Because prostitutes wash their crack and sell it again. Yes, of course My Dear Watson...brillant.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am taking more computer classes this year too. I want to know...

Who is this General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Also, I looking to improve my ability to speak clear this year. I went out to investigate a

car accident in the parking lot. We ran the plate and found out who the damage car belonged to. It was parked near the barber shop, so we deceided it would be probable that the guy would be there. My partner sticks his head in the door of a barber shop and says, ''Bob Peters here?''

The barber looks up and says, ''Nope, just haircuts!''

Thank yew! Thank yew very much...ladies and gentlemen...cinderella has left the castle....

Everyone have an awsome 2009.

(poster's note: jokes were found on the comedy central web site. I modified them to my personal liking. I suggest Comedy Central for some great laughing!)

"Is your number still 911?" - Ofc. Rachel T.